


Asynchronicity

by ChasingtheCosmos



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, First Kiss, Fluff, Last Kiss, Nine Deserved Better, Telepathic Bond, Telepathy, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-03-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:21:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22623235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChasingtheCosmos/pseuds/ChasingtheCosmos
Summary: The Doctor has two problems: 1. He's in love with Rose Tyler, 2. Their timelines keep intersecting out of order.Alternatively titled: the four times the Doctor and Rose kissed and he had to forget and the one time he didn't.
Relationships: Ninth Doctor/Rose Tyler, The Doctor (Doctor Who)/Rose Tyler
Comments: 26
Kudos: 152





	1. 1:3

**Author's Note:**

> I was meant to be working on my novel, but this happened instead ...  
> I've had the idea for a while, guess it got tired of waiting on the back burner.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [](https://ibb.co/x2R7J4r)  
> 

_“You could stay here - fill your life with work and food and sleep, or you could go …_ anywhere"

_“Is it always this dangerous?”_

_“Yeah.”_

\-----------------------------------

“Fancy a flower, sir?”

The Doctor blinked up at the tradeswoman before him and glared from beneath furrowed brows as he realized that he had been lost in his own thoughts once more. It was a phenomenon that had been happening increasingly often lately and it was beginning to get _irritating_.

“None for me, thanks,” he muttered in reply, his chipper tone at odds with the storm that was currently brewing behind his blue eyes as he returned his gaze to the bright, red petals that he had been staring down at while his mind wandered. “No one but me, these days,” he continued casually. “No point in buying flowers for myself, now is there?”

He stuffed his fists roughly into his coat pockets to make sure that he didn’t accidentally reach out and begin running his fingers distractedly over the merchant’s wares once more. The flowers were simply so vivid, and their texture so delicate - the colorful array called to him like a siren’s song. The deep, crimson petals reminded him of home and he had to blink hard to see past the memories of bright, dazzling sunsets and bloody, ruinous battlefields.

“Are you certain, sir?” the saleswoman asked, not willing to let a potential customer walk away without spending a few coins first. She narrowed her eyes on the Doctor in a speculative look as she rounded the small booth that she was overseeing on the crowded marketplace street and came to stand at his side. “Seen lots of lovers stop by this booth, you know. I’ve learned to read people’s faces over the years. Seems to me you were thinking of someone just now.”

“Nope, not me,” the Doctor replied, his smile becoming strained as he dutifully ignored the woman’s sharp, assessing gaze and attempted to maintain his cheery tone. “Completely and totally unattached, me. It’s better that way. No complications!”

The Doctor knew that he was in trouble when his lies started sounding fake to his own ears. How was he supposed to convince others that he was alright when he couldn’t even convince himself? He’d been wandering on his own for a while, now - lifetimes, generations, even! But it seemed that even _he_ couldn’t outrun the truth forever.

He hadn’t been looking for a new companion (really, he hadn’t!) but he had been surprised by the young, enthusiastic Rose Tyler in a way that he had forgotten that he could even be surprised. He was fascinated by her strength, her eagerness, and her vivacity. He had wanted to bring her along - to continue to chase that fire that burned in her and made him hope for the future, but she had turned him down. He had come to this busy marketplace in the heart of Kandover on the back-half of the Indenari System in an attempt to surround himself with noise and distractions and forget that he had been so thoroughly rejected, but it seemed that he couldn’t quite shake his dark, gloomy mood.

“The roses are genuine - the seeds came from Earth itself!” the saleswoman continued to boast proudly. “Get her one of those and I’m sure she’ll forgive you for whatever you did wrong.”

The Doctor wasn’t sure if he was more annoyed with the woman’s pushy sales tactics, or her keen, perceptive eye, but he decided quickly that it was time to move on when he could feel his jaw tightening in frustration. “Next time,” he lied pointedly.

However, the moment that the saleswoman relented and turned to speak with a couple new bystanders, the Doctor snatched one of the bright red blooms from off of her cart and dropped a few coins in its place. He knew he was being a sentimental old idiot, but he simply couldn’t force himself to walk away and abandon this tiny little reminder of the beautiful planet that he had left behind and the young, blonde girl who he had met there.

He was twiddling the flower idly between his fingers and glaring once more at its deep crimson petals when a slight tingling in the back of his mind suddenly drew his gaze back up and his eyes instantly landed on the familiar shape of his ship. Time senses were itching at his thoughts and warning him of some impending danger, but the Doctor’s TARDIS was positively preening at the other end of their telepathic connection and distracting him from trying to root out the source of the disruption.

_What are you up to, Old Girl?_

By the time the Doctor broke through the last of the surrounding crowd and stepped closer to his parked ship, he realized with a start what all the fuss was about. Standing there with her right hand gently running up and down the rough wood of the old blue phone box was none other than the pink and yellow human herself.

She looked just as the Doctor remembered her from that dark, London alley where he had left her - but he only needed to pass a cursory glance over her to realize that this was _not_ , in fact, the Rose Tyler who he had met on Earth in the early twenty-first century. She was older, with a weary set to her shoulders and a haunted look to her eyes that her nineteen-year-old self hadn't had.

However, when she blinked and caught sight of him from out of the corner of her eye, the expression of recognition and surprise that overwhelmed her features only further proved his suspicions that she was still somehow the exact same person.

“Oh!” she gasped, blinking hard a few times as she stared at him in open-mouthed shock. “H-hello …”

The Doctor didn’t bother to respond, he simply narrowed his eyes on her in suspicion as he continued to take in every detail of the situation before him. There was no reasonable explanation for Rose Tyler being so far away from her own time and place other than if he was the one who brought her here, which led to the conclusion that she was traveling with him, and was from some point in his future. However, when the Doctor attempted to peer closer and examine her timelines, he was frustrated to find that there was nothing there - just a bright, golden blind spot that stunned his time senses and left him clueless.

When the Doctor finally leveled his thoughtful gaze back on hers again, he could see that she was shuffling her weight awkwardly between her two feet and biting down hard on her lip in consternation. He noticed that her hand was still on the TARDIS, though - as though she were afraid that if it was outside of her reach, it would disappear forever.

“Hello, Rose,” the Doctor finally greeted her, his tone low and curious as he continued to inspect her. “What are you doing all the way out here?”

Her expression fell slightly and her shoulders slumped as she quietly cursed and murmured under her breath, “I was hoping that maybe you wouldn’t know who I was yet …”

“Well, I do,” the Doctor replied, taking on that fake, cheery tone again as he stuffed his hands in his pockets once more and stepped up closer to her. “Never forget a face, me. Photographic memory. Just met you in London a couple thousand lightyears from here, which leads me to my second question: How did you get here?”

“Well …” she sighed, continuing to fidget and refusing to meet his gaze, “it’s a bit of a long story …”

“I’ve got time,” the Doctor assured her, shifting his weight into a casual, unaffected stance as he continued to watch her every movement.

She was biting her lip again, seeming to struggle with the decision of whether or not to tell him the truth. When she finally forced her eyes to slide up and meet his, the Doctor felt her gaze like a physical touch. No, he still couldn’t see her timelines - but her wide, expressive eyes told him all that he really needed to know in that moment. In her gaze, he could see that she _knew_ him in some easy, familiar way that the Doctor hadn’t experienced in lifetimes, and the ache that he could see swimming to the forefront of her whiskey-colored irises told him that their relationship with one another went far beyond anything that he had ever had in the past.

He felt all of the air escape from his lungs in one long, deflated sigh as he lost himself in her bright, amber eyes and her honest, open expression. “Rose …?” he asked, his voice little more than a whisper as he gazed down at her in complete and utter awe.

“Doctor …” she replied, her own tone breathless as she finally released her hold on the TARDIS and ran forward to lock her arms around his neck in a tight, desperate hug.

The Doctor stood frozen in time and space for a moment as he simply took in the sensation of her single, human heart pounding against his chest and the welcoming, warm scent that filled his nostrils. He was completely overwhelmed with this one impossible, amazing human girl. Not only did she apparently change her mind and decide to travel with him after all, but it seemed that they somehow got to a point in their relationship where she looked at him as though he hung the very stars in the sky for her. It was a dangerous and heady thing, and the Doctor wasn’t sure if he could trust it (or himself) in that moment.

However, the Doctor’s unexpected moment of awe and bliss was interrupted when Rose’s emotions suddenly began to rush over him in waves. It had been quite some time since he had been around other sentient beings, after all, and the telepathic barriers around his mind had grown a bit lax with disuse. He could feel her sorrow, her joy, her fear, her frustration, and her heartache all as his own as she clung tight to him and refused to let go.

The Doctor screwed his eyes shut tight against the barrage of sharp, vivid human emotions and attempted to regulate his breathing and his heartsbeats as he fought to regain some semblance of control.

“Rose, what’s going on?” he asked, his voice still low and quiet, meant only for her as he finally brought his arms up to circle around her and tentatively held her to him. “What’s wrong?”

“You said I’d find you here, but I didn’t really believe you,” she admitted quietly.

“Speaking of that, where is he - this future me?” the Doctor asked, attempting to keep his tone casual as he warily glanced up and eyed their surroundings. He had had run-ins with himself in the past, after all - he knew what an unlikeable dolt he could be. And at the moment, with his arms full of Rose and his mind humming with her thoughts, he wasn’t entirely sure if he was willing to just step back and hand her over to her current traveling companion, even if it _was_ just a future version of himself.

“He’s … a long way away,” Rose muttered hesitantly. “I’ve been trying to find my way back to him, but I keep getting the wrong point in your timeline. I’m sorry …”

“What’s to be sorry about?” the Doctor murmured, his tone light and teasing despite the fact that he could feel his arms tightening around her reflexively in an attempt to keep her close and cherish this moment for as long as he could.

She breathed a small, humorless huff of laughter before she loosened her grip around his neck and the Doctor regretfully allowed her to pull away from him once more. “I know I’m being selfish,” she admitted with a small, rueful shrug of her shoulders. She sniffed once before raising her gaze back to him and adding sadly, “But I’m glad to see you again.”

“I was just about to say the same thing myself,” he replied, flashing her a nonchalant, goofy grin. “I wasn’t exactly expecting to run into you again, after you decided to stay behind with that Rickey idiot, but it seems like you and I have quite a future together!”

“You mean … I’m not here with you?” Rose asked slowly, furrowing her brows at him in confusion. “You left me behind back on Earth?”

“Well, that’s what you said you wanted,” the Doctor reminded her pointedly. “I’m not one to insist, you know. Everyone’s free to make their own decisions. I know that running off with an old git in a police box isn’t exactly everyone’s cup of tea. I offered, and you said no.”

“Wait … are you at the _autons_?” Rose asked in disbelief. “Are we _that_ early on your timestream?”

“Yep,” the Doctor replied mildly. “And speaking of timestreams, where are _you_?”

Rose didn’t answer his question, but she let out a short, loud bark of laughter as she threw her head back in amusement and grinned at him with sparkling brown eyes. “And here I was thinking that _I_ was the only selfish one,” she murmured with a teasing shake of her head. “You knew I was going to come back to this point. You _wanted_ me here.”

“Sorry?” the Doctor asked, flashing her a dubious look.

“I’m sorry, Doctor, I really am,” Rose replied, though her knowing, teasing smirk suggested that she was anything but, “but you’ve already told me that this has to happen, so …”

Before the Doctor could ask her what she was going on about, she stepped forward once more and fisted one hand into the collar of his leather jacket and brought the other around the back of his neck and forced his lips down to meet hers. It wasn’t the first time that the Doctor had been forced to endure such affections, and he doubted that it would be his last, but it _had_ been quite a while for him (though he stubbornly refused to admit exactly _how_ long) and the shock of it certainly never got old.

He stumbled slightly as he adjusted to accommodate the woman currently pressing herself against him and their mouths jostled awkwardly, but the Doctor still didn’t actively attempt to pull away as he found himself being overcome by the sensation of her lips - ten times as soft as the rose petals he had been admiring earlier and a thousand times more intoxicating.

However, he was still too stunned to even attempt to reciprocate, and he wasn’t even sure if that was something that he should do (let alone something that he should _want_ to do). He never got the chance to reach any sort of conclusion on the matter before Rose slowly released him. He was still frozen in a moment of indecision as he felt her breath ghosting across his lips as she gently pulled away.

“Sorry,” she repeated, her regretful whisper urging the Doctor out of his stupor and tempting him forward, filling him with the desire to chase after her tantalizing lips. “You’re going to have to make yourself forget this …”

“How …?” the Doctor whispered in response, his arms still around her back and his eyes shut tight as he lightly touched his forehead to hers. Oh, he had made himself forget things before - it was a necessary safety measure to have in place when one traveled in time as recklessly as he did - but forget _this_? The Doctor wasn’t even sure if it was entirely possible.

He had known that Rose was different from the moment that he had first taken her hand in that department store basement, but never in a thousand lifetimes could he have predicted _this_. Who _was_ this girl, who seemed to somehow pull him from his current state of hopelessness and lead him in a future filled with love and acceptance and (apparently) _kissing_?

Rose breathed another small breath of laughter as she relaxed into his arms and gently placed one of her hands against his chest, directly between his two wildly-beating hearts. “You told me this would happen this way,” she whispered solemnly. “It has to. You make yourself forget so that you can go back and visit me again and not mess up the timestreams.”

“What about you?” the Doctor asked, his voice catching on the lump in his throat as he finally forced himself to open his eyes and gaze down at her gloomy expression. There was heartbreak in her eyes and a looming sense of goodbye that the Doctor found he was loathe to face at the moment.

“Oh, don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine,” she sighed, her tone wary even as she flashed him a small smile and attempted to reassure him. “I’ll find you again, Doctor. I always find you.”

“When?” he asked, not even bothering to conceal his urgent, desperate tone. “When will I see you again?”

Rose leaned away from him so that she could fully meet his eye and flashed him a teasing, bemused look. “I’m still back on that London street, you know,” she muttered wryly. “You know where to find me.”

“But … you said no,” the Doctor reminded her, his gaze absolutely entranced by the upturned shape of her mouth.

“Well, you could always ask again,” she suggested amusedly. She leaned up onto her toes to press a quick kiss to his cheek and paused to whisper in his ear, “Better hurry - can’t leave a girl waiting.”

Her breath against his ear sent a shiver racing down his spine and the Doctor found himself mirroring her smile even as she finally stepped back outside of the reach of his arms once more.

“It’s a _time_ machine, Rose,” he replied pointedly. “I never have to leave anyone waiting.”

“Better go back and tell _her_ that, then,” she admonished him with a tongue-touched, teasing grin.

She was about to turn her back on him and disappear into the crowds of Kandover once more, leaving him all on his own with a thousand different questions and no time at all to ask them, but the Doctor wasn’t about to let her go without a second glance - not again, not after that kiss.

“Rose, wait,” he pleaded as he reached forward and grabbed her hand in his once more, his wide grin fading into something softer and more gentle than he had even known that he was capable of. He trained his gaze on hers and didn’t even dare to blink as he raised her hand to his mouth and pressed his lips to the backs of her knuckles. Her sharp intake of breath made something flare and come alive inside of him - something that he had thought was long dead and buried.

“Wait for me,” he whispered, his fingers tightening around hers as he fought the urge to turn and force her into the TARDIS at his back and spirit her away forever. “I’ll find you again.”

“Doctor, I’m right where you left me,” she reminded him quietly, though he could see that there were tears shining in her soft brown eyes. “Go and get her.”

He nodded once in silent promise that he would do what needed to be done - in fact, he would gladly face the future, knowing that at some point his timeline would intersect with hers again. He would make himself forget, he would travel back in time, and he would walk the slow path all because he knew that he would get to do it with _her_.

Before he dropped her hand and forced himself to turn his back on her for good, the Doctor reached into his pocket and retrieved the small, red flower that he had purchased just a few moments ago. He pressed it eagerly into Rose’s hand and then flashed her another wide, goofy grin as he stepped back and linked his hands behind his back so that he wouldn’t be tempted to reach for her again.

“I saw it and thought of you,” he informed her, raising his head with a look of self-satisfaction as he carefully watched her expression.

Rose’s cheeks immediately flushed the most enticing shade of pink and tested his already-crumbling resolve as she cradled the small red rose close to her chest and glanced up at him through her dark lashes.

“I’ll hold on to it until we meet again,” she promised him quietly, a small, confident grin turning up her lips.

“I’ll hold you to it,” he agreed eagerly.

He watched her until she was swallowed up by the crowds of the marketplace and he finally felt the last traces of her lingering presence evaporate from around him. His snide time ship was in the back of his mind the entire time, positively radiating the words, _I told you so_.

He darted back through those familiar blue doors with a wide, excited grin on his face, but by the time he had reached the console, all memories of his recent encounter were already safely locked away where they wouldn’t be able to interfere with timelines or alter the turn of established events.

Still, he whistled pleasantly to himself as he set the TARDIS’s destinations for early twenty-first century London and felt the first shining beacon of hope that he had felt in years beginning to swell inside of his chest.

“Silly old Doctor,” he grumbled quietly to himself. “How could I forget to mention she’s a _time machine_?”

\--------------------

_“By the way, did I mention it also travels in time?”_


	2. 2:4

_"The thing is, Adam, time traveling's like visiting Paris: you can't just read the guide book, you've got to throw yourself in - eat the food, use the wrong verbs, get charged double and end up kissing complete strangers, or is that just me? Stop asking questions, go and do it! Off you go, then - your first date."_

\--------------------

No sooner had the Doctor turned from ushering Rose off to explore around Floor 139 on the extensive and robust Satellite Five with her new little mate than his eyes alighted on another blonde woman standing at the far end of the room, her arms wrapped tight around her middle as though she were attempting desperately to fold in on herself and disappear.

There was nothing at all remarkable about her or what she was doing, so the Doctor had no explanation at all for the way that his gaze caught and held on her as though she were the only other person in the large, crowded place. He was narrowing his eyes on her and taking in every detail of her profile in an attempt to figure out what was so intriguingly _different_ about her when she suddenly turned and met his gaze from across the room as though their eyes were a set of oppositely charged magnets, being drawn to one another outside of their will.

As soon as her bright brown eyes found his, the Doctor sucked in a gasp as hidden memories suddenly came rushing back to him all at once. He could practically _feel_ her lips back on his again as his eyes widened with understanding and he breathed quietly, "Rose …"

She bit her lip and immediately broke eye contact with him, turning away and hunching up her shoulders defensively around her ears as though that would help her to better hide her face. However, the Doctor wasn't about to let her walk away so easily - not again, not when he had managed to find her once more against all the odds.

He knew he was being slightly ridiculous as he blindly raced through the crowd after her, craning his neck over the tops of the heads of the people milling around him as he attempted to keep his eyes trained on her. He knew that technically, Rose was exactly where he had left her near the food stalls with that blundering new pet of hers, Adam.

But this Rose was _different_ \- she was from his future, and that meant that he didn't have to play the gracious tour guide or awkward mate or tentative host. He didn't have to worry about getting to know her or wondering how much was too much to share because she already _knew_ it all - far more than even _he_ knew.

"Rose!" he called out desperately as he finally reached the edge of the crowd and saw his future blonde companion ducking into a small alcove along the side of the great hall.

He saw her shoulders raise even higher around her ears as she heard him call her name, and when she finally turned to face him, her expression was one of defeat.

"Doctor. Hello," she murmured sheepishly as she continued to hug her arms tight around her middle and leaned up against the wall behind her in the small, dark corner where she had chosen to hide. She flashed him another tight, strained smile and he could tell that she was attempting to uncover how much he remembered and where he was on his timestream before she decided how to handle the situation.

"You can't keep intersecting my timeline and then acting surprised when you get caught," he chided her teasingly as he came to a halt before her and greedily let his gaze track over every single detail of her. She was wearing the exact same clothes as she had been on Kandover, so the Doctor supposed that she had probably taken the fast route to get here.

He felt a ridiculous wave of giddy excitement flood through him as he saw the edges of her lips tip up slightly as she met his gaze with a weak, apologetic expression. "I was trying to be inconspicuous - really, I was!" she insisted meekly.

"And a good thing, too," he warned her solemnly, "past you is right over there exploring the local cuisine with some ridiculous bloke or another." The Doctor hooked his thumb casually over his shoulder in demonstration, though he couldn't seem to tear his eyes away from Rose as he did so.

"I know, I remember this," she groaned quietly, cowering back into the shadows once more in an attempt to conceal herself. However, the Doctor caught her suspicious, narrow-eyed glare as she added, "How do _you_ remember? I thought you locked the memory of me away? You're not supposed to know that … Well, that I'm _me._ "

“Told you you’d be a hard one to forget,” the Doctor reminded her, tapping a knowing finger to his temple and flashing her a cheeky grin. “Seeing you again seemed to be some sort of trigger - it unlocked the memories I’d hidden away.”

“Yeah, but isn’t that …  _ bad _ ?” she murmured, flashing him a doubtful look. “Now you’re just going to have to make yourself forget all over again.” She sighed heavily and hung her head as she groaned, “I’m ruining everything, aren’t I? I’m just making a mess of the timestreams and it’s all for nothing. No matter what I do, I still can’t seem to get back to you …”

If he were with _his_ Rose in that moment, the Doctor might have reassured his brilliant companion by taking her hand in his or offering her a warm, inviting hug. But this was _not_ his Rose - or, at least, she wasn’t _yet_. However, oddly enough, the thought gave the Doctor more courage than he might have had with his young nineteen-year-old companion, and he surprised himself (and her) when he reached out and gently touched his fingers to the underside of her chin, urging her gaze up to meet his once more.

“I’m here, Rose,” he reminded her quietly, his voice barely more than a whisper as he let his eyes track over every single, fine detail of her features. He had been surprised by the added age that this Rose held in her eyes when he had first seen her on Kandover, but as he took a closer look, the Doctor was surprised to see that her features appeared not to have aged a day. He wondered idly for the first time just how far in the future she came from, and how she had managed to grow so old in such a short amount of time.

"I'm right here in front of you," he reassured her. "Memory loss is a small price to pay." 

However, the Doctor couldn't help but wonder how much longer he would be forced to pay it. How much further would he have to travel before he got to have this Rose all to himself?

“Sure, you say that now,” she murmured wryly, attempting humor despite the fact that her tone had gone slightly breathy and her eyes were currently trained on his mouth instead of his eyes. “But how long can we really go on like this? What if my next jump into your timestream lands me somewhere dangerous, or I actually do meet myself and cause a paradox, or I accidentally find some point in your future that I’m not supposed to know about or …?”

She was rambling again and letting her fears run away with her. The Doctor felt lured by the sound of her voice and the heady smell of her human hormones in this small, dark space that she had retreated to, and he used her moment of distraction to slowly lean in closer. He didn’t realize he was going to kiss her until his lips tentatively landed on hers - he simply knew that he was being drawn to her like a satellite coming into orbit with its home planet and he was helpless against her gravity.

The press of his lips was unsure at first, but the Doctor’s curiosity quickly spurred him onwards as he let his fingers trail from her chin, across the line of her jaw, and down the length of her long, beautiful neck, where he silently counted her vertebrae and marked the beat of her pulse beneath his fingertips.

Where their first kiss (from _his_ perspective , at least) had been quick and insistent, this was slow and gentle as the Doctor steadfastly set each detail of her lips to memory - knowing that he wouldn’t be able to look back on this later, but needing the experience to somehow be etched into him anyway.

Rose didn’t move a single muscle as she patiently allowed him to take his time and slowly melted under his touch. However, the longing and desperation that he could feel humming just beneath her skin was nearly enough to undo him altogether as he cradled her face between both of his hands and forcefully reminded himself that this moment was a stolen glimpse at the future and it could not last, no matter how much he may want it to. If he ever wanted to get to this point with _his_ Rose, he would need to be patient - a lesson that the Doctor still had trouble with sometimes, even after nine-hundred years of practice.

“I missed you,” she whispered when he forced himself to pause so that she could catch her breath and he could get a grip on his hazy thoughts.

The Doctor pulled back just far enough to be able to meet her gaze and flashed her a confused look. “Missed me?” he repeated dubiously. “Can’t have been more than a few hours for you since we last met. What’s to miss?”

Rose’s gaze lowered sadly as she reached into the pocket of her blue leather jacket and pulled out the small rose bloom that he had given to her so many weeks ago from his perspective, but only a few hours from hers - its petals just as vivid and red as he remembered.

“I held onto it, just like you said,” she muttered, her smile complicated and weighed down with a great, mysterious sadness as she gazed down at the flower and refused to meet his eyes. “Wasn’t sure if I’d actually run into you again …”

“You’ll find me, Rose, I’m sure of it,” he assured her softly, his curiosity becoming a physical ache within him as he fought back the many pressing questions that he had for her. Where exactly was she in his timestream? What had happened to pull them apart? Where could he possibly be that would make her desperate attempts to find him so difficult?

Rose didn’t seem to be particularly consoled by his words, and she gently shook her head from side to side as the first of her tears broke free and rushed down her perfectly-flushed cheeks. The Doctor caught them with his thumbs and brushed them away as he gently tilted her face back to meet his curious gaze and silently implored her for as much information as she was willing to give.

“It won’t be the same …” she explained slowly, her voice coming out choked and rough as she forced herself to speak through the tears. “Even if I do end up managing to track you down in the future, you won’t be … like this.”

The truth settled over him in waves as the Doctor silently put the pieces together and realized that this Rose was apparently from some point far enough along his timeline that he had regenerated. He felt his brows draw together in a sympathetic grimace as his gaze fell from hers and he muttered lowly, “I’m sorry, Rose.”

Regeneration was never a particularly pleasant process for anyone involved, and he knew from experience how it could strain relationships with his companions. He didn’t know why he hadn’t considered the possibility before, but he already found himself dreading the day when he would be forced to put Rose through such a traumatic experience. He could only hope that they would have enough time for him to explain ...

Before the Doctor could allow himself to wallow too long in his steadily-darkening thoughts, his dear, precious girl leaned up and captured his lips again in another gentle, pleading kiss - silently urging him not to fall too deeply into his hand-made pit of self-loathing and recrimination.

“Nothing to be sorry for, love,” she assured him quietly. “I just … never thought I’d have this opportunity to see you like this again. I’d forgotten how much I missed you.”

“What, this daft old face?” he teased lightly. “Blimey, if you miss me like this, makes me wonder what the next one’s like. Go on, then, give us a clue. How bad does it get?”

His lighthearted joking startled a small chuckle out of her, which effectively cleared the air between them and made the burden of foreknowledge seem a little less weighty as Rose gently shook her head and smiled up at him through her tears. “Don’t wanna give the surprise away,” she replied gently. “You’re still you, though - just … different.”

“Good different or bad different?” he asked, not entirely sure if he even wanted to know the answer. The Doctor knew that whatever information he earned in this quiet, secluded place would only be suppressed as soon as he turned his back and walked away, anyway. But somehow knowing that Rose would be with him through a regeneration made him self-conscious and nervous. Was his future self good enough for her? Would he ever grow to be the man that she deserved? Would she really stay through it all and be there when he needed her most?

“Just …  _ different _ ,” she repeated with another small shake of her head. Her expression was deep and pensive as she gazed up at him with those wide, brown eyes, but the Doctor was pleased to note that, at least for now, her tears had dried.

“How long?” he insisted quietly, his brows furrowing as he continued to run his thumbs across the apples of her cheeks as though attempting to force the memory of her shape into his fingertips.

“How long what?” Rose asked, raising her own hands to hook onto his wrists in an attempt to ground him where he was - as though there were any risk at all of him leaving her of his own free will.

“How long until I get to see you again?” the Doctor asked, repeating the same question that he had asked her on Kandover - the same question that he knew he would _keep_ asking every time he saw her until their timelines finally synched up at last. “How long until I regenerate? How long until we’re separated? How long are you going to stay with me once you find me again?”

Rose’s lips tipped up in another soft smile as she glanced pointedly over the Doctor’s shoulder where the rest of Satellite Five was still buzzing and bustling about - an adventure waiting just for him, even though the only adventure he _really_ wanted was standing right here in front of him. “You’ve got your Rose now, haven’t you?” she asked him teasingly. “You can see me anytime you like.”

The Doctor turned his longing gaze to her lips once more, one of his thumbs reaching forward to trace the line of her mouth as he whispered, “Not like this.”

Rose's lips thinned slightly as a matching look of longing passed through her eyes, but she gave another small shake of her head as she gazed up and him and replied, “I can’t say too much and risk messing up the timelines, but you have to know … Doctor, surely you know by now how much she cares for you?”

The Doctor breathed a small, humorless laugh as he shook his own head in response and finally forced his gaze drop from her mesmerizing features. “Why would she care about a silly old man like me when she could have her pick of the galaxy?” he murmured wryly. “She’s off with some idiot right now - poor dolt’s probably already half-way to being in love with her as we speak. What would she want with some broken, useless soldier?”

“I really can’t believe I have to explain this to someone who calls themselves a _Time Lord_ ,” Rose sighed, rolling her eyes at him with a sarcastic smirk, “but _she_ is _me,_ Doctor. And even though I can’t answer any of your other questions, I know one thing for certain - because this isn’t the first time you’ve asked how long I meant to stay, you know. Nine-hundred-years-old and all that ego and you still can’t seem to fathom the idea of some simple girl off of the estates being in love with you.”

“What …?” he breathed in quiet disbelief as the single, simple word lanced through him like a bolt of electricity. It was the same sensation that the Doctor had felt when the dalek used the word earlier - a creature who shouldn’t even be able to fathom what “love” _was_. And yet, as soon as the hateful alien had defined it, the Doctor had immediately known that it couldn't be anything else. What he felt for Rose went far beyond anything that he had felt for anyone else in a very, very long time. What else would one possibly call it?

But to hear the word spoken from _her_ lips - even if it was spoken on a whisper and hidden away in a dark, secluded area just between the two of them - was like a gift that the Doctor had never even dared to hope for in his wildest dreams.

“Forever,” she murmured, forcefully dragging the Doctor out of his dazed thoughts. “That’s how long I’m going to stay with you. You and me and eternity, Doctor.” 

She leaned up and pressed a chaste parting kiss to his lips, but he wasn’t about to let her go so easily, and his mouth chased after her own, needing to taste the promise of her kiss and her words and sear it into his soul so that he wouldn’t ever, ever forget that overwhelming _hope_ that she filled him with.

Rose’s grip on his wrists tightened as she silently indicated that their stolen time together was coming to a close, though the Doctor was loathe to let her go.

“Get back to it, then, you daft old alien,” she whispered slyly as she ran her thumbs over the veins in his wrist, seeming to delight in the wild pulse that she had drummed up within him. “You’ve still got work to do, here.”

“Come with me,” he begged her quietly as he leaned back and flashed her that bright, daft grin that usually convinced her younger, nineteen-year-old self to go along with whatever he suggested.

“I’m already there, Doctor,” she replied, her answering smile making his hearts swell even as he began the tedious process of creating a memory block that would steal her away from him again. “And, if memory serves me right, I’d say that I’m probably looking for you right about now,” she added pointedly.

“Yeah?”

“Adam always was a bit dull compared to you,” she admitted, her tongue poking through her teeth and sorely tempting his already-shaky resolve.

“Yeah?” he repeated slyly.

“Goodbye, Doctor,” Rose replied as she gently lowered his hands from her face and stepped backwards into the shadows once more. “Don’t worry - I don’t think you’ll be left waiting for very long. I'll see you soon."

The Doctor opened his mouth to attempt to question her further, but he blinked hard once and suddenly found himself staring at an empty wall with a dazed, unfocused expression and the sense that he had been doing something important but could no longer remember quite what it was. He furrowed his brows at the shadows before him in suspicion for a moment before turning to glance back over his shoulder at the crowds bustling about behind him.

Satellite Five was still sweltering and there was an impending taste of something  _ wrong  _ in the air that tempted him forward and made him eager to start exploring. The Doctor supposed that he should get down to business and start questioning the locals. 

He did his very best to feel even the slightest amount of remorse for tearing Rose away from her first date with her new little pet, but he couldn’t really manage to feel much more than a growing sense of smugness as he scanned the crowd and immediately singled her out.  She was eyeing the passerby around her with an idle, bored expression that made the Doctor break out in a wide, self-satisfied smile. Seemed like the new bloke was a bit too dull to hold Rose’s attention for long. Maybe the Doctor wouldn't need to worry so much about a third wheel after all.

\--------------------

_ “That’s her gone, Adam’s given up - looks like it’s just you and me.” _

_ “Yeah.” _

_ “Good.” _

_ “Yep.” _


	3. 3:2

_“Let’s see how you get on without me, then. Give me the key. The TARDIS key. If I’m so insignificant, give it me back.”_

_“Alright, then, I will.”_

_“You’ve got what you wanted, so that’s goodbye, then.”_

_“You don’t scare me. I know how sad you are. You’ll be back in a minute, or you’ll hang around outside the TARDIS waiting for me - and I’ll make you wait a long time!”_

\--------------------

For the first time since the bloody dalek, the Doctor was seeing red again. He was positively bubbling over with rage and fury that only seemed to be compounded by the stinging, solemn hurt that ran beneath it all.

What a complete and utter fool he had been. Why did he even bother traveling with humans anymore? Had he not learned his lesson after nine-hundred years of space and time travel? Had he not been taught this lesson before - to keep his hearts guarded and his expectations low? Why had he abandoned rationality and reasonable judgment all for some silly teenage girl who only wanted to serve her own selfish wants and desires?

He was so lost in his own self-hatred and despair that he was paying absolutely no attention to where he was going and ended up running head-long into some random passerby as he hastily rounded a corner and collided bodily with them.

Except, of course, it _wasn’t_ just some random passerby - when had the Doctor’s life _ever_ been that easy?

The woman who had been hurtled unexpectedly into his arms let out a high-pitched noise of alarm as she bounced off of his chest and stumbled awkwardly away from him. Somehow, the Doctor knew exactly who she was even before she turned and set her whiskey-colored eyes on him.

“Oh, it _would_ be you, wouldn’t it?” he growled sarcastically as he glared down at the now-familiar shape of his future companion. “You always manage to show up at the _worst_ possible moments.”

“D-Doctor!” Rose stuttered as she gazed up at him in wide-eyed shock. “I can’t believe it … Is that … is it really you?”

“Well, of course it’s me,” he snapped petulantly as he folded his arms across his chest in a defiant stance. “Or are you hopping around through someone else’s timeline as well? Wouldn’t put it past you, of course. Seems you get bored pretty easily - probably eager to move on to something more interesting, eh?”

Rose’s mouth dropped into an expression of indignant shock as she seemed to struggle with her response. After a moment of blinking up at him with a righteous-looking glare, she finally asked, “Hold on, how do you know I’m attempting to intersect your timeline?”

“This isn’t the first time we’ve run into each other,” the Doctor reminded her pointedly. “Or have you already forgotten Kandover and Satellite Five? Have you already left all of that behind you and moved onto bigger and better things?”

“Satellite Five?” Rose repeated, her face paling as she gazed up at him with a look of horror. “Doctor, are you … are you telling me that we’ve run into each other like this before?” Before he could answer her question, she waved her hand at him and furrowed her brows once more as she glanced around them and frantically attempted to take in her surroundings. “Hold on … where are we? Where did I end up? What year is it?”

The Doctor threw his head back and let loose a single, humorless bark of laughter as he shook his head at her and replied, “What? You mean you seriously don’t know? You were the one who wanted to come here so badly - clearly it's the place that you’ve planned to come to all along. Don’t know why you ever left, it’s clear that you’ve found everything that you could ever want.”

“No …” Rose murmured quietly as her eyes widened once more in a look of surprised understanding. “Is it nineteen-eighty-seven? No, it can’t be … I can’t be here, this isn’t right! This is the wrong time, I shouldn’t be here!” Her wide brown eyes turned to settle on his once more and she winced in pained understanding. “Oh, Doctor … I’m so sorry …”

“Yeah, me, too,” he muttered under his breath as he glared down at her.

“I can’t stay here, I - I have to go,” she continued hurriedly as she frantically twisted her head back and forth as though looking for an escape route on the long, abandoned road that they were currently standing on. “This is already a vulnerable point in time, and you’re not meant to run into me here …”

“It’s okay, Rose,” the Doctor sighed warily, his shoulders sagging in defeat as he let his arms unfold and swing uselessly back to his sides once more. “I already told you - this isn’t the first time we’ve run into each other. Not from my perspective, at least. I use a memory block to make myself forget. You’re not disrupting established events.”

His reassurances seemed to take a minute to settle into her mind, but as soon as she accepted his words as truth, Rose breathed out a heavy sigh of relief, her shoulders sagging to match his own as she flashed him a weighty, apprehensive look.

“So … does this mean that I get to see you again?” she asked slowly. “In the future - in _my_ future?”

“Seems that way,” the Doctor muttered quietly.

He watched intently as a smile slowly spread across her features, starting with a small upturn to the edge of her lips and expanding to fill her entire face with a sunny, pleased expression. The Doctor wished desperately that he could ignore the annoying flipping sensation currently rolling around in his gut as he watched her, but it was simply no use. No matter how much she had hurt him, he couldn’t find it in himself to hate her.

In fact, he felt quite the opposite as he moved forward against his better judgement and eagerly captured her smile with his lips in a motion that was beginning to feel routine at this point. He knew that there were many other productive things that he and this future Rose could be discussing or attempting to fix during these brief, stolen moments together, but it seemed that all they ever ended up doing was snogging instead. However, the Doctor decided that it was a pattern that they could break another day as he wound his fingers around the back of her neck to hold her in place and trapped her in a long, hard kiss.

The last time that they had done this, he had been slow and methodical as he tentatively accepted the stolen gift of this impossible, perfect girl. Now, however, his hearts were burning with fear and self-doubt and he was impatient and insistent as he bared down on her without restraint.

Rose gasped in shock and the Doctor seized the moment without thought, pressing his advances and reaching out to taste her with his tongue. All he wanted in that moment was to take and take until she didn’t have anything else to give. He needed to fill the raw empty space in his chest with something, and just like she always did, this future Rose appeared like a miracle to answer his silent prayers.

She made a soft, whimpering sound in the back of her throat as she succumbed to his forceful advances and the Doctor swallowed the noise like the greedy, jealous man that he was, needing to steal this small part of her away and bury it deep within himself where no amount of abandonment or heartache could ever erase it. He was drowning in her - losing himself in the taste of her mouth and the brush of her lips and the scent of her breath and pouring out into her in turn his own insecurities and doubt.

He could feel her pressing against him, attempting to force him away and allow her a moment to breathe, but the Doctor held on steadfastly against her, needing for this moment to go on into eternity and erase everything else. However, she did eventually free herself from his desperate grip and she stood breathing hard against him for a moment before she gasped breathlessly, “Doctor … the reapers.”

“The what?” he asked just as breathlessly.

Rose shook her head slowly from side to side as she warily met his eyes once more. Her lips were swollen and her pupils were blown wide, but she was looking at him with an expression of concern in her deep brown eyes. “Nevermind,” she sighed warily. “But I’ve lived this day before, yeah? I know what’s going to happen. Where’s past me?”

“Back where I left her,” the Doctor growled angrily. “Right where she wants to be - where _you_ want to be.”

Rose shook her head once more as she met his gaze with a look of confusion. “I don’t understand …” she murmured warily.

The Doctor heaved a sigh as he finally forced himself to let go of her and took a step back. The cool air that flooded the space between them mimicked the icy sensation that had already gripped his hearts and was currently filling him with a sense of frustrated defeat.

“You said it yourself - you’ve already lived through this day,” he grumbled quietly. “What do you remember?”

Rose’s gaze dropped to the pavement between her feet as her features filled with an expression of shame and remorse. “I remember things not going to plan,” she muttered quietly under her breath as she brought her hands together before her and began to wring them nervously together. “I remember royally screwing things up,” she added warily. She forced herself to meet his gaze with some effort as she finally continued, “I remember almost losing you - and the pain and the fear that that caused.”

“Can’t be that bad,” the Doctor muttered in response. “You seemed pretty happy to be rid of me just a moment ago. Got yourself a new man to look after you now. Don’t need this daft old git anymore.”

“Don’t say that,” Rose insisted desperately, reaching forward and awkwardly grasping the lapels of his old leather jacket, her thumbs rubbing against the material in a motion that the Doctor tried very hard not to call _reverent_. “It’s not what you think, Doctor, really …”

“No?” he continued to press, his hurt still burning hot within him and making him slow to trust the solemn, repentant look in her eyes as she warily attempted to meet his gaze. “You sure your memory’s as good as you think it is? You seemed pretty certain of your decision to stay in 1987 just a few minutes ago.”

“Doctor, I know that I shouldn’t say anything, but …” She paused in a moment of consideration before she continued, “I don’t want to mess up the timelines or anything. But … I made a mistake, okay? And I’m sorry. And if you just go back and talk to me again, I’ll tell you that myself!”

“Don’t make a habit of groveling after humans, me,” the Doctor mumbled irritatedly as he stepped outside of her reach and crossed his arms firmly against his chest once more.

Rose heaved another defeated sigh and the Doctor watched her shoulders slump forward in a dejected pose. “Is it going to be like this every time?” she murmured quietly, as though to herself. “Am I going to keep jumping around your past and showing up where I’m not wanted?”

The fear and desperation in her tone echoed the hollow sensation currently residing in the Doctor’s chest and he felt the ice around his hearts melting slightly as he gazed down at her.

“Who said you weren’t wanted?” he asked quietly.

When she glanced up at him again with her wide, brown eyes, he felt that same twinge in his gut that warned him that he was treading on new, dangerous ground with this companion who he had allowed to grow far too close far too quickly.

“Stay,” he whispered, the single command coming out more like a plea than a request.

“I can’t,” she replied, shaking her head in soft, regretful denial as she let her gaze run across his features once more. “I have a mission. I need to find a future version of you …”

“Leave him,” the Doctor insisted quietly. “Whatever he did to lose you, it’s his own fault, I’m sure of it - let him suffer the consequences. And my Rose seems content to stay here with her dad, so that leaves you and me. Let’s go somewhere - _anywhere_ \- you choose.”

There were tears shining in her eyes again, which was the opposite of the reaction that he had hoped to spark in her, but her lips were turning up in another small smile as she raised a knowing brow in his direction and repeated, “ _Your_ Rose?”

The Doctor’s expression screwed up in confusion for a moment until he mentally reviewed his declaration and belatedly realized his mistake. He realized that he had never spoken the possessive words out loud before - his companion was simply _Rose_. Beautiful, fantastic, clever, independent Rose. She didn’t need anyone or anything - certainly not a useless old man like him. So when had he started thinking of her as his own?

“Seems to me you’ve already got everything you need,” she continued sadly. “Can’t risk sticking around and becoming my own third wheel.”

The Doctor heaved a small, breathy laugh as he shook his head at her. “Rose and I … we aren’t like that,” he disagreed quietly. “She doesn’t think of me like that. I’m just the daft old alien who’s served his purpose, now, and gotten her to where she needs to go. She doesn’t need me anymore.”

“Doctor, I’m going to tell you something that I don’t often get to tell you,” she murmured as she stepped forward and clapped both of her hands confidently against the top of his shoulders, “so I want you to listen carefully, okay? You’re _wrong_.”

He lowered his gaze from hers and felt his lips thin into a tight line as practical disbelief raged against impossible hope within his chest.

“Go back to her,” Rose continued encouragingly. “If you pay attention - if you _listen_ , she’ll show you. Now, I have my own incredibly oblivious Time Lord to get back to …”

“Not yet,” the Doctor insisted, reaching out and grabbing one of Rose’s arms as she attempted to release him and step away once more. “Please, Rose - I don’t know where you’re headed off to next or if you’re even able to control where you’re going, but I need for you to go to Kandover.”

“Where?” she asked, flashing him a confused look.

“It’s a little planet in the Indenari System,” the Doctor explained quickly. “You need to go there next.”

“Why?” she insisted dubiously.

“There’s someone there who needs you,” he informed her cryptically. “Just … trust me.”

Rose paused for a moment as she looked up at him as though she were searching for something - though what, exactly, it was that she was looking for, the Doctor couldn’t possibly say. He wanted to believe that she was attempting to search out his purposes or maybe even memorize his features as intently as he was currently memorizing hers, but he suspected that it was more likely that she was attempting to find in him the face of the man who she had left behind at some point in her past and in his future. He wondered if she could see her future Doctor in his eyes, and if he, perhaps, was able to offer her more comfort than his current form could.

“Indenari System,” she repeated with a small, understanding nod. “Kandover.”

“Yes,” the Doctor replied, breathing out the small, relieved breath that he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. He let his gaze trail awkwardly to the ground for a moment before he locked his jaw and steeled himself as he lifted his eyes back to her with a determined expression.

“Would you … would you mind sending a message?” he asked haltingly.

“A message?” Rose repeated curiously. “What sort of message?”

The Doctor found himself hesitating again as he breathed another small huff of laughter before he forced himself forward and let his fingers trail gently up Rose’s arm and pull at the back of her elbow, silently urging her closer to him as he bent towards her and pressed another small kiss to her lips.

This time his kiss was gentle and lingering, an unspoken question on his lips as he silently asked her to reassure his doubts and fears once and for all. And Rose - perfect, impossible Rose; _his_ Rose - answered as she always did, with a sense of easy confidence as she eagerly returned the press of his lips.

“All my love to the past,” he whispered when he finally forced himself to pull away once more.

“And mine to the future,” she agreed, the rough sound of her voice and the brush of her breath against his face tempting him to go against his better judgments and return to his first assertion that she should stay.

“Hold on, shouldn’t it be the other way around?” the Doctor asked as rational thought slowly began to return to him once more.

Rose’s responding laugh was the last, lingering memory that he got to take with him before he shook his head and forced himself to wipe the daft grin off of his face. He really was beginning to lose it in his old age. 

_Sentimental old idiot,_ he cursed himself silently as he glowered at the old, cracked pavement beneath his feet and continued his determined pace back towards his TARDIS. Even after Rose had made it very clear that she was done with him and wanted nothing more to do with his ridiculous box and his needy hearts, he still couldn’t seem to stop thinking about her and losing himself in the memory of her laugh.

Was it going to be like this forever? Was he going to spend another century wandering through time and space all alone, brooding and losing himself in his own endless sense of bitterness? Why had he allowed himself to get so caught up in some human teenager anyway?

“ _I’ll make you wait a long time_!” she had told him, as though he hadn’t already been waiting his entire lives - nine-hundred-years wandering around this universe - waiting for someone like her. Someone who was patient and kind and knew when to let him be and when to step in and warn him that he was being stupid, but never, ever allowing him to give up.

 _When will I ever learn?_ he mused sardonically as he finally glanced up and laid eyes on his ship once more.

He was used to commiserating with his telepathic ship and allowing her to teasingly rouse him from the dark moods when no one else was around or up to the job, but he received nothing but silence as he strode purposefully up to the familiar blue doors before him.

 _What’s wrong, dear?_ he asked curiously as he frowned up at the glowing letters over the door. _Are you angry with me, now, too?_

The TARDIS still remained stoically silent, and the Doctor soon realized why when he felt the doors give way before him and he found himself staring at a normal, empty police box. He flung his arms out in panic, feeling out the edges of the small, dark space while his mind reached desperately for some connection, some hint that his ship was still alive.

 _It can’t be …_ he thought desperately.

It only took him a moment before his mind immediately jumped to the one other presence in his life that mattered - the one who he had shouted at and left behind on the worst terms imaginable. The one who he needed to find and save and apologize to before it was too late …

“Rose!” he gasped in absolute panic as he instantly darted back down the street in the direction of the church where he knew Pete and Rose would be heading to next. He had no idea what he was going to do to save them, he just knew that he needed to figure something out before it was too late. He could feel timelines circling and tangling around him, warning him that fixed points and future events were in danger if he didn’t find a way to sort this.

He ran harder and faster than he had in a very long time, his greatest regret being that he had to do it alone, with no tiny, human hand clasped tightly in his.

\--------------------

_“Alright, I’m sorry. I wasn’t really going to leave you on your own.”_

_“I know.”_

_“But between you and me, I haven’t got a plan - no idea, no way out.”_

_“You’ll think of something.”_


	4. 4:5

_“Rose! I’ve just remembered!”_

_“What?”_

_“I can dance! I can dance!”_

\--------------------

The Doctor heaved a contented sigh as he continued to slowly sway to the music that was filtering gently through the TARDIS console room. The deep inhale of breath instantly filled his lungs with the scent of the young human woman currently wrapped up in his arms, and he found himself loathe to release this small part of her that he had secretly stolen as he finally forced himself to breathe out again.

He knew that this wasn’t exactly the type of “ _dancing_ ” that Rose had been insinuating none-too-subtly earlier, but having her so close filled him with an odd sense of peace nonetheless as he held her to him and felt the warmth of her settling against his chest in the space between his two hearts.

Jack had disappeared deeper into the ship about an hour ago. He had claimed that it was because he was exhausted from the action of the day, but the Doctor hadn’t missed the ex-time agent’s sly, knowing wink when he had been passed up by Rose for a dance for the third time in a row as she preferred to stay within the Doctor’s embrace instead. It was clear that his departure had been purposeful, but neither the Doctor nor Rose had bothered to call him out on it.

However, the Doctor had been counting the seconds ever since, waiting breathlessly for when Rose would eventually claim the same excuse and retreat back to her room for a night’s sleep and leave him all alone again.

“You know,” she piped up quietly, instantly tearing him away from his morose thoughts, “this wasn’t exactly what I meant by _dancing_ .” She heaved a small, gentle sigh of her own as she muttered wryly, “Leave it to _you_ to take the most literal meaning possible.”

“I knew what you meant,” the Doctor replied testily, his pride somewhat wounded as Rose continued to speak to him as though he were some innocent, bumbling idiot who didn’t know anything about humans or dating or _dancing_. “I told you I’ve got the moves - you’re the one who insisted we spend our time waltzing around an old hospital in the middle of the London Blitz.”

The Doctor could feel Rose’s grip tighten against his hand as this statement settled in her mind. He hadn’t given voice to the … _other_ option that she had so flirtatiously implied, but the unspoken words were there nonetheless, hanging in the awkward silence between them. Standing this close, he could both hear and feel the way that her breath caught hesitantly in her chest as she slowly moved back just enough so that she could look up at him and meet his eye.

The Doctor wasn’t breathing at all as he stared down at her and watched as her mouth slowly opened and her gaze trailed down to his lips …

Before she could speak whatever words the Doctor could see forming behind her eyes, he leaned forward and quickly pressed his lips to the crown of her forehead in a firm, lingering kiss. He inhaled deeply again, her scent positively flooding his lungs this time as he buried his nose in her golden blonde hair and forced himself to swallow down his own ill-timed confessions as well.

“You should go and get some rest,” he whispered quietly as he continued to hold her close, his mouth still lingering close to her forehead so that she wouldn’t be able to see his look of desperation and he wouldn’t have to see her look of utter disappointment.

It took Rose a moment to answer, but he could hear the forced nature to the casual tone that she put on as she sighed, “Yeah, I think you’re right. Like Jack said - it’s been a long day.”

“Yep,” the Doctor replied simply, forcing his arms to release her as he stepped away and allowed sanity and rational thought to return to him once more.

“Got any plans for tomorrow?” Rose asked, tilting her head curiously in his direction. The TARDIS had dimmed the lighting in the console room at around the same time that Jack had bowed out for the night, so the Doctor couldn’t be certain, but he thought that there was a certain pink tinge to her cheeks as she stared up at him through her long, dark eyelashes.

“No, nothing planned,” he replied evenly. “Why? Got a request?”

“Yeah,” she admitted, smiling shyly down at the grating at her feet as she continued, “I was thinking we could stop by home for a bit. I’ve been thinking that I should pick up my passport, for if we do any more trips around Earth. And … I don’t know, we could always stop in and see what Mickey’s been up to.”

Hearing the name of Rose’s boyfriend was like having a bucket of ice water thrown over his head, and the Doctor flashed her a strained smile before he turned his back on her and focused on the TARDIS console monitor instead. “Easy enough, sounds like a plan,” he agreed breezily. “Should probably make sure that Ricky the Idiot hasn’t been getting up to any trouble while we’ve been away.”

Rose didn’t make any sort of response to that, and when the Doctor refused to turn around and meet her gaze once more, she stepped forward and tentatively touched one hand to his arm while she leaned up and pressed a lingering kiss to his cheek.

“Thank you, Doctor,” she murmured quietly.

The Doctor gave a single, stiff nod, then closed his eyes and let his shoulders slump forward as soon as she turned away from him and made her way back down the now-familiar hallways of his time ship.

 _Stupid, daft old man,_ he grumbled warily as he silently berated himself for being such useless, helpless git. He had just finished spending the entire night silently displaying to Jack that Rose was completely _off-limits,_ and now he was taking her by the hand back to meet her silly little twenty-first century boyfriend. And it was all because he couldn’t find it in himself to deny this one human girl a single request that she made of him.

The Doctor was in trouble, and he knew it - now if only he could figure out how to _solve_ this impossible equation of Rose and _dancing_.

“Mind if I cut in?”

The sudden, unexpected voice instantly made the Doctor go tense. The teasing tone and flirtatious question sounded like Jack, but the light, feminine voice it was spoken in couldn’t have been anyone other than Rose. However, the strange thing was that the voice was coming from across the console, near the TARDIS doors, and not from behind him, where the Doctor knew that Jack and Rose had retreated to.

His head snapped up and his eyes instantly landed on a young blonde woman who was beaming at him from across the console as though he were the present that she had been waiting years to receive.

When he could do nothing but stand and stare for a few moments, she raised an eyebrow at him and continued teasingly, “Or are you too busy arguing with yourself, over there?”

“Rose,” the Doctor breathed, his own expression cracking into a wide smile as his hidden memories steadily returned and he was finally able to fully place her.

He didn’t bother with any further pleasantries - he figured at this point, they didn’t really need to. He simply stepped forward and easily took her hand in his, leading her seamlessly into the dance that he had just left off with her previous self. She fell into his arms without protest as she continued to smile up at him, her soft brown eyes positively glowing in the dim light of the console room.

“I missed you,” he whispered quietly as he bent his face close to hers without fear of repercussion, eager to seize what opportunity he could with this future Rose before he would be forced to go back to tip-toeing around his current one.

“Seemed to me like you were getting on pretty well, there, without me,” she reminded him teasingly, her lips so close that her breath brushed against his face as she spoke. “Well … I suppose you weren’t doing it _without_ me, were you? I mean, I was right there …”

“Does this ever get any less complicated?” the Doctor asked as he gently rested his forehead against hers and continued to sway her slowly to the gentle music filling the air around them.

“Not with you, dear,” Rose muttered wryly. “Suppose it all just comes hand in hand with loving you.”

“Loving me?” the Doctor repeated breathlessly, his hands tightening reflexively where they gripped her hand and waist. Despite the fact that he had heard this declaration before, the one, simple word awoke a myriad of complicated emotions within him. In his experience, love went hand-in-hand with loss, and he had learned over the years to fear it. However, the way that she spoke the small, simple word excited a hope in him that he hadn’t even known he’d been missing until this very moment.

Rose made a quiet affirmative noise in the back of her throat as she slowly moved her head against his in a slow nod.

The Doctor was eager to pry further and maybe even trick her into saying the word for him again, but his words died on his tongue as he suddenly felt a strange prickling sensation at the back of his mind. It was so slight and subtle that he might have easily ignored it on a normal day, but no time spent with this future version of Rose could ever be called “normal”, and after decades of having nothing but silence in his mind, he found himself chasing after the small intrusion with vicious curiosity.

The moment that he seized upon it, he felt Rose go tense in his arms and the Doctor gasped out loud despite himself as connection sparked in his brain.

“What …?” he breathed in quiet disbelief.

“Sorry,” Rose murmured nervously. “I wasn’t quite sure how to break it to you … The Doctor said that you might be a bit touchy about it …”

“Show me,” the Doctor demanded, cutting off her words with his own intense desperation and not even bothering to question her further about the fact that apparently his future self had been in contact with her once more.

The Doctor had been in touch with several other telepathic races since the destruction of Gallifrey - in fact, there were times directly after the Time War when he would purposefully seek them out in an attempt to fill the empty space in his head and numb the pain. However, it had been centuries since he had had a true connection with someone, and when Rose slowly opened her mind to him and revealed the perfectly secure mental bond that she had tucked away and hidden from him, the sensation sucked all of the remaining air from his lungs and left him frozen in silent disbelief.

“You …” he whispered helplessly. “You’re …”

 _Yours, Doctor,_ Rose replied, speaking directly to his mind using the mental connection that glowed so bright between them that it dazzled his senses even though his eyelids were screwed shut tight against the sensory bombardment. _I’m yours._

 _How …?_ he asked desperately.

“I found him, in the end,” Rose whispered quietly as she gently nuzzled her forehead against his and silently reached out over their bond to soothe his wildly-racing thoughts, “my Doctor. I found my way back to him. All that time I spent hopping around your timeline finally paid off.”

 _Where is he now?_ the Doctor demanded, his grip tightening around her once more as he continued to speak mind-to-mind with her, bringing her as close as he could physically get her as he greedily soaked up the connection between them and let it fill every empty space within him that he had buried and forgotten about over the decades.

“He’s back on our TARDIS where I left him,” Rose replied evenly. “We’re still together, I haven’t lost him.”

The strength of her mental bond was proof enough of that, but the Doctor relished her verbal confirmation as well. He needed to know for certain that if he was going to do this and make this connection with her that he _stayed_ with her, this time.

 _Then why are you here?_ the Doctor insisted desperately as he slowly began to gain control over his breathing once more and quietly sucked in a fresh lungful of air.

 _Isn’t it obvious?_ Rose teased smugly. _My Doctor’s already experienced this. He knew that this was going to happen, so he sent me back to you._

The Doctor tried very hard to ignore the sharp sting of irrational jealousy that swept through him as Rose continued to refer to his future self in such a possessive way. However, with a mental bond now connecting them, Rose caught on far quicker than she should have, and immediately sensed the dark turn to his thoughts.

 _My Doctor,_ she repeated, bringing her hand up to his cheek and urging him to open his eyes once more and look at her. The Doctor warily complied and he blinked his eyes open to met her gaze as he stood in silent awe of the incredible, impossible answered prayer before him. She wasted no time in filling his mind with a mental image of his face as it currently was, though it certainly didn’t look the way that he remembered it from the last time he had glanced in a mirror. Rose’s perception of him was far too muddled by the intense sensation of adoration and nostalgia that she was currently experiencing as she silently marveled over the features that she had been missing for nearly two decades, now …

 _Two decades?_ the Doctor asked pointedly as his own thoughts caught and held on this one, important detail that she had accidentally let slip to him.

Rose bit her lip nervously as she quickly made sure that all important future events in her mind were encased behind mental barriers where he wouldn’t be able to sneak any glances. However, she eventually gave him a small, affirmative nod to indicate that she was from a good deal further on in his future than he had first imagined.

The Doctor gently ran his thumb against the hand that he held in his before he freed himself from her grip and moved to place his fingers against her chin, tilting her face closer as he looked down upon the most precious gift that he could have ever received. 

He didn’t really need to use his hands to direct her, however, as Rose eagerly accepted his lips with her own. She sighed contentedly against him and the Doctor hastily breathed her in once more - the sensation so much better now that it wasn’t wrapped up in a layer of shame and secrecy. With this connection shining bright between them, he didn’t have to hide his irrational, ardent affection from her. 

In fact, when his tongue trailed against her lips in question, she didn’t hesitate at all in opening up to him and providing him with all the answer that he would ever need as she whispered, _Yours, yours, forever yours,_ directly into his mind.

“How long can you stay?” the Doctor whispered when he finally released her lips and moved his mouth hungrily over her jawline and down the tantalizing length of her neck.

“Why? Do you have plans?” Rose teased breathlessly.

“Yes,” the Doctor growled as he pressed a hard, lingering kiss to her skin. Her responding gasp turned the kiss even harder and he realized too late that he should probably ask before he got too carried away and accidentally left any marks on her.

“I’m yours,” Rose whispered again as she placed her hands against his chest and forced him just far enough away so that she could meet his gaze once more. “For as long as you want me.”

The Doctor was certain that he had never seen anything more precious or beautiful in his long, long life as he stared helplessly down at this image of perfection that the universe had deigned to put before him. Rose’s pupils were blown wide underneath her hooded eyelids as she gazed up at him with kiss-bruised lips and quietly gasped as she fought to regain her breath.

“Forever,” he whispered, the one, simple word falling from his mouth before he could even consider attempting to hold it back. “Stay forever.”

Her answering smile looked effortless as she agreed quietly, “Okay.”

The Doctor didn’t need any further encouragement than that. He had been … well, _dancing_ around the issue with his Rose all day. He had been willing to write all of his feelings and desires off as sheer fancy when it had been his young, nineteen-year-old companion, but now he had been granted the impossible gift of this future Rose, and the Doctor quickly decided that he wasn’t going to waste his time on being shy or awkward any longer. He was ready to show her his moves ...

\--------------------

Later on when they had both collapsed in exhaustion after an extended amount of _dancing_ , the thought finally occurred to the Doctor, and he asked curiously, “How did you end up inside of the TARDIS?”

He had been resting his head against Rose’s chest, contentedly letting her hands scrape over his scalp and shoulders as her thoughts mimicked the motion against his mind when he suddenly raised his gaze to flash her an inquisitive look.

Rose made a soft, questioning hum in response as she lazily let her eyelids drift open and looked down at him in confusion.

“How did you just appear in the TARDIS like that?” the Doctor elaborated pointedly. “No technology should be able to penetrate this ship’s shields. Every other time we’ve run into each other, it was outside on a planet or something.”

“I was using a different sort of transport back then,” Rose replied slowly, her mind warning him through their bond that he was treading towards classified information once more. “It wasn’t exactly … _precise_. There wasn’t a whole lot that I could do to control it. This time, though, I had a certain handsome Time Lord to help me get here - one who knows quite a lot about this old ship of yours.”

 _Oi, careful with that,_ the Doctor warned her quietly, only partly teasing as he flashed her a wry grin. _Whole new face in the future, remember? Don’t go singing his praises when you’re in another man’s bed._

 _Oh, I know all about the new faces, Doctor,_ Rose reminded him cheekily as she slowly walked her wandering fingers up the back of his neck and then gently framed his face with her hands. _Seen quite a few of them, now._

The Doctor’s curiosity spiked, but Rose gave him a small shake of her head and her thoughts turned pointedly away from his in silent denial of his request for more information.

“And he was seriously okay with sending you here, like this?” the Doctor asked quietly. He couldn’t exactly imagine himself so easily sending his own bondmate on such an errand, especially if he already knew the intended outcome.

He watched in fascination as Rose’s lips slowly curled up into a sardonic smile as she replied teasingly, _Well, are_ you _okay that I’m here, like this?_

The Doctor’s overwhelming, nonverbal response immediately answered that question as his mind replayed for them both all of the secret, stolen moments that he had gotten to share with her and the immense appreciation that he had for them. He shifted his weight to his forearms so that he could lean forward and press a soft, reverent kiss to her cheek as he responded eagerly, _Oh, yes._

 _Well, there you are, then,_ Rose replied, using the hands that she still hand on either side of his face to guide his lips back to hers so that she could drag him into another long, heated kiss.

The Doctor could already feel himself getting carried away again - losing all rational thought to her scent and her heat and the feel of her in his head - but before he could get too caught up in his own desires, Rose was slowly extracting herself from both the kiss and his thoughts.

 _No,_ he begged silently, not even caring how childishly jealous or greedy he might sound as he shifted his weight again and attempted to cage her in and convince her to stay. _You promised. You said “forever”. Please don’t go …_

 _I’m not going anywhere, love,_ Rose reminded him gently, though he could feel her own regretful heartache as well as she continued to shutter her mental bond firmly away from him once more.

“I’m right here,” she whispered against his mouth as she trailed one of her hands down to settle against the bare skin between his hearts. “I always have been, and I always will be. You just have to be patient.”

The Doctor made a low, growling sound in the back of his throat as he gently bit her bottom lip and reminded her, _Never been a patient man …_

“It’s worth it,” Rose reminded him breathlessly. “I promise.”

“I know,” he agreed in quiet defeat as he finally released her lips and let his forehead rest heavily against hers instead. “You, Rose Tyler, will always be worth it.”

“I love you.” The words were whispered, like they were a secret meant just for him, just for this moment, just for the two of them as they were. The Doctor closed his eyes tight and desperately attempted to carve the sound and feel of them into his hearts so that he would never be without this moment - never be without _her -_ ever again.

He was so wrapped up in his attempt to cling to his memories that he wasn’t entirely sure if he ever repeated the sentiment back to her. He could feel the words on his tongue and his pulse was hammering away in his veins as the emotion that backed the statement flooded through him, but when he blinked his eyes open again, he was completely alone and the room around him was silent.

He wasn’t sure what he had been dreaming about, but the lingering sensation of sated contentment made him feel more rested than he had in months. He couldn’t remember when he had eventually forced himself into bed, and he definitely couldn’t remember stripping down to nothing before sliding between the sheets by himself, but stranger things had happened to him before, and the Doctor shrugged the curiosity off without a further thought and simply allowed himself to bask in the glow of peace for as long as he could.

He knew that tomorrow would see him, Jack, and Rose traveling back to Earth, and he would have to watch his lovely companion pal around with her ridiculous, boring human boyfriend. He was going to need all of the rest he could get if he was going to force himself through _that_ particular torture. At least he had had a long night of dancing with her the previous evening - that, at least, was one honor that Ricky the Idiot certainly couldn't take from him. 

The Doctor smiled smugly into his pillow as he breathed deep and allowed his traitorous senses to convince him that the lingering smell of Rose was actually there in his bed and not just a figment of his imagination. Maybe he really should show her some of those “moves” that he had boasted about earlier. That would certainly make her forget whatever silly little human she had left behind on her home planet. Maybe then he could at last convince her to stay for good and abandon all other thoughts of leaving him. Maybe then he could stop trailing after her like the helpless, besotted fool that he was.

\--------------------

_“You’re such hard work.”_

_“But worth it!”_


	5. 5:1

_"Then prove yourself, Doctor. What are you: coward or killer?"_

_"Coward. Any day."_

\--------------------

The Doctor really had been ready to die. He had been entirely prepared to give in and let go. Nine hundred years was a pretty good run, right? He had seen enough, done enough, lost enough - maybe it was time.

He had done all that he could for the people of the Game Station only to watch them be picked off one by one until there was no one left but him and the motley fleet of daleks closing in on all sides. The only one who he had managed to save in the end had been Rose. However, that small, consoling fact - to know that she was safe, that he had fulfilled his promise and gotten her home to her mother and her boyfriend and her normal, human life - was enough for him. It gave the Doctor a sense of peace as he closed his eyes and braced himself for the dalek blast that he knew would be coming at any second ...

Only the shot never came. The horde of daleks were suddenly far too distracted by the sound of wheezing TARDIS engines and the large blue box that was slowly materializing nearby.

The doors of his old time ship opened and the Doctor immediately tripped backwards and stumbled to the ground as he blinked against the blinding golden blaze of light and the overwhelming, eternal song of time that emitted from within.

" _Rose_ ...?" the Doctor breathed. Her name fell from his lips before he could even get a proper look at her. He just somehow _knew_ that it couldn't possibly have been anyone else.

When her head twitched to the side and her glowing golden eyes zeroed-in on the sound of his whispered voice, the Doctor gasped as several memory blocks immediately crumbled to dust and shook themselves loose within his head and his stolen moments with his future Rose all came rushing back at once.

"Rose ..." he stated again, a bit more firmly this time. "What have you done?"

"I looked into the TARDIS," the creature before him explained evenly, "and the TARDIS looked into me."

The Doctor's expression fell as he gazed up at the woman glowing with time energy and began to piece together the puzzle of what must have happened to Rose after he had attempted to send her away. She had taken things into her own hands, as she so often did, and refused to sit down and be quietly rescued. She had completely thrown away life as she knew it, risked everything that she had ever loved, for _him_.

"I want you safe," she declared resolutely. "My Doctor."

 _My Rose ..._ the Doctor lamented silently as he watched her stand up against the fleet of daleks and single-handedly put an end to the Time War once and for all. His immense pride in her was diminished somewhat by the great, terrifying sensation of fear that he could feel threatening to overwhelm him.

"Everything must come to dust. All things. Everything dies. The Time War ends."

There was quiet victory in the cool finality of her words, but the Doctor could see glittering tears running down her cheeks as she struggled to contain all of time and space within her single, human body. The vortex was burning her up from the inside out and there was nothing that he could do to stop it ...

All of those stolen moments that he had had with her future self, all of those precious memories, all of the adventures that they still had before them were slipping through the Doctor's fingers like sand through an hourglass as time ticked steadily by and brought them both closer and closer to the inevitability of death.

"My head ..." Rose whimpered, the pain in her voice shooting through the Doctor's gut like a lance and making his hearts seize with sympathy.

"Come here," he commanded quietly as he steeled himself for the only solution that remained. If they were ever going to get out of here, if he was ever going to be able to be with his Rose again, if he ever wanted his memories of her to come true, then he needed to do what the Doctor did best and save her life - no matter what the cost.

"It's killing me ..." she continued pathetically.

"I think you need a Doctor."

The Doctor couldn't be sure, but as he turned Rose towards him and slowly drew her closer, he could have sworn that the golden light in her eyes flickered, and just for a moment, he could see his companion's young, nineteen-year-old face looking up at him in nervous anticipation.

He was confident but gentle as he leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers in a motion that was nearly habitual at this point. He eagerly accepted her warm and inviting response as she pressed back into him and released a small, delicate sigh against his cheek as she let go of the tenuous hold that she had been keeping on the vortex within her mind and allowed it to pour into the Doctor instead.

The kiss was the briefest that the two of them had shared so far (in the Doctor's experience, at least), but it still somehow managed to outshine all of the rest as bright, golden light blazed between them and energy sparked wherever their skin touched. For the briefest of moments, their timelines were completely in sync, and the Doctor was _finally_ permitted to share his first, true kiss with the woman who he loved more than anything else in all the universe.

Before he even had the chance to completely separate from her, the Doctor's eyes snapped open as all of time suddenly flooded through him and momentarily blinded his senses. The single kiss that they shared, despite its great significance, paled in comparison to the magnitude of images burning through the Doctor's head and threatening to overwhelm him. He felt his breath catch in his throat as he watched timelines flare and glow around him, twisting and tangling into infinity in every possible direction.

And through all of it was Rose - impossibly persistent, ever-lasting Rose. He saw all of the adventures that they had already been through together - the running and planets that they saved and the people who they helped, with her hand always clasped tight in his. And for just a single, shining moment, he saw her future, and the way that it mirrored and danced with his. He saw the times when she would be forced away from him - lost outside of his reach - and the many, sleepless nights where he would pace and brood and wonder if the nightmare would ever possibly end. And then he saw the way that she eventually returned to him, just as she had always promised she would, and the joy that they would experience knowing that they had defeated the odds and written their own happy ending despite what the universe had attempted to give them.

The Doctor was only able to let go of the promise that time was weaving before him and focus on reality when he suddenly became aware of Rose's eyes - still glowing faintly gold with the after effects of the time vortex - rolling up into the back of her head as her body went limp and she lost consciousness. The Doctor caught her without even having to think about it, his arms easily supporting her weight as he laid her on the ground like the precious, treasured gift that she was.

It was her unconscious, prone form lying at his feet that finally gave the Doctor the strength and focus that he needed to channel the vortex back into his ship and let go of the infinity of time and space that he could feel burning within him. The energy ripped and clawed its way through him as it left, as though it were desperate to take a piece of him with it, but he remained as he was - like a tall, proud sentinel standing guard over the human woman who he would not allow time to tear away from him just yet.

It wasn't until the power of time and the promises it held had slowly faded form his mind that the Doctor found himself stumbling under the weight of reality once more. He couldn't suppress the small grin that he felt turning up his lips as he felt his life force slowly draining out of him like blood from a wound. The vortex had been returned to its rightful place, but it had destroyed both him and Rose in the process. Still, he couldn't quite manage to feel even the smallest ounce of regret. The daleks were gone, Rose was alive, and they were at last on the path that they should have been on all along.

When his gaze finally landed once more on the unconscious woman at his feet, the Doctor immediately fell to his knees and let his hands gently ghost over the warm, feverish skin of her face. She was breathing deeply, as though she were in a long, restless sleep. The Doctor had no idea how she managed to survive the effects of the time vortex, but he wasn't about to start questioning the universe now, after it had at last granted him the one gift he had waited so long to receive.

He struggled more than he cared to admit to hook his arms under Rose's shoulders and knees as he fought desperately against his own failing strength and slowly carried her back into the TARDIS. She rolled her head against his shoulder as they went, pressing her cheek tight against his leather jacket as her brows furrowed in sleep and she groaned pitifully.

"Shh, love," he whispered consolingly as he gently squeezed her closer and kissed the top of her head. "I'm here, I've got you."

The Doctor knew that she would need every second of sleep that she could get after such a harrowing experience, but he found himself wishing desperately that she would wake up, anyway. He had so much to tell her, so much to explain, so much to confess, and he could feel time ticking away for them both.

He had no doubt in his mind that this was the regeneration that his future Rose had alluded to, but there was still the question of what lay beyond that. What was it that would separate her form him at some point in their futures? How long would he be able to hold onto her before she would be forced to leave? The short time that the Doctor had had to stare into the eternity of time and space hadn't given him any sort of clues on the matter, though he supposed that the promise of her inevitable return was gift enough.

The Doctor closed his eyes as he buried his nose in Rose's hair and desperately longed for the telepathic bond that he had shared with her future self just a few weeks ago. He needed some way to reach her, to let her know that everything was going to be alright.

"I hope you remember all of this ..." he whispered bemusedly out loud as the idea suddenly struck him that the vortex energy might have left a series of negative effects on her mind. "I always thought that when our timelines finally synched up, everything would just somehow work itself out. Maybe we'd even get a happy ever after and everything would just turn back to normal." He breathed a small laugh into the crown of her head as he muttered wryly, "Silly, old Doctor."

"Normal" had never been something that he was particularly good at, unfortunately, and it seemed that his habit for making things far more complicated than they needed to be extended to his relationship with Rose as well.

"Wait for me, love," he whispered as he gently laid her down on the TARDIS grating near the console and once more let his fingers trail over the soft, delicate features of her face. "I know I'm daft and slow and I'll mess it all up in a million different ways, but I promise that I'll be there in the end, no matter what. Just wait for me ..."

Rose made another soft, murmuring noise in her sleep as she unconsciously nuzzled her face further into his hand.

"If you were awake right now, I'd explain what's about to happen," he informed her quietly as he sat at her side and idly let himself indulge in the luxury of mapping out and memorizing her features. "Or, I'd try, at least. Never been too good at explaining these sorts of things. It's funny, really - you'd think it would get easier with time, but dying is always far more difficult than it looks. I don't think I'm every truly ready to say goodbye."

He reached down and took one of her hands in both of his so that he could bring her fingers to his lips and slowly press a reverent kiss to each of her knuckles.

"But there's a time for everything, Rose," he continued gently. "There's a time to live, and a time to die. Right now, it's my time to become the man who will wait for you for as long as he needs to until you're able to find him again. But that's okay - done a lot of waiting around, me. In my experience, it's all about what you're waiting _for_. And for you, Rose Tyler, I think I would gladly endure eternity if there was a promise of just a few years with you at the end of it."

Another small, sad smile turned up the edges of his lips as the Doctor felt the burning energy of an impending regeneration begin to expand within him and vibrate deep within his bones.

"I'll try and make it a good one," he promised quietly as he leaned down and pressed one last, lingering kiss to the very edge of Rose's mouth.

Whoever he ended up regenerating into next was a lucky man, indeed. He would not have to concern himself with memory blocks and tangled timelines and wondering if and when his fantastic, beautiful companion might ever return his affections. He would be born into this life already knowing that Rose loved him, that they had the promise of a future together, and that no matter what face he wore, she would always be there for him.

The Doctor sighed as he traced his fingers along Rose's chin and allowed one last moment to relive the shared, precious memories that she had given him that she didn't even know about yet. She had given him hope in his darkest hour, promised him a future when there seemed to be none, and blessed him with her bright, enduring presence.

"I'll see you on the other side, love," he whispered gently. He had to force himself to pull away from her when his hands began glowing with the regeneration energy that was currently coursing through his veins. He wondered if he would be able to hold it off long enough to get to say goodbye.

"We've got much more to do, you and me," he informed her as he heaved a weary sigh and slowly rose back to his feet. "It might be years or even decades from now, but I promise that we'll see each other again."

He stumbled ungracefully towards the TARDIS controls and braced his hands against the console as he fought to remain standing. "Always been a bit sentimental, me," he muttered distractedly. "Never been very good at letting go."

He grinned at her unconscious form from across the console controls as he muttered slyly to himself, "But I don't think I'm quite finished with you yet, Rose Tyler."

\--------------------

_"Time Lords have this little trick - it's sort of a way of cheating death. Except ... it means I'm going to change, and I'm not going to see you again. Not like this - not with this daft old face. And before I go ..."_

_"Don't say that!"_

_"Rose ... before I go, I just want to tell you - you were fantastic. Absolutely fantastic. And do you know what? So was I."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so very much to everyone who has left kudos and comments and/or bookmarked and subscribed to this fic. I hope you've enjoyed it!  
> I've been considering continuing this "five times Rose and the Doctor kissed" trope, but I can't seem to decide on which Doctor to do next. If you have a preference or suggestion, you can let me know! I have another multi-chapter DW fic I'm currently working on as well as personal projects, so any future fics will most likely be back-burner projects, but I'm open to suggestions!


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